insecurities
by charringSerpent
Summary: a fluffy davekat fic with some trigger warnings.
1. Memories

"what did you call me you little shit!"

"I CALLED YOU A FUCKASS. DEAL WITH IT."

"no one calls me fuckass and gets away with it!"

"OH YEAH. WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO!" you shouted at the sweaty jock in front of you. He grinned a broken toothed grin and grabs you by your shoulders and heaves you off the thrash around trying to loosen his grip.

"LET ME GO YOU SWEATY APE!" you yell at the 6'2 massive wall of meat.

"im thinking no."

"IM SURPISED YOU CAN THINK AT ALL!" you yelled trying to maneuver your head to sink your teeth into his massive hand. You succeed and he hisses in pain.

"WHY YOU LITTLE-!" he starts bashing you against a locker. He does this about 6 times before he opens a random locker and shoves you in it. Before he closes the door he punches you hard in the face. You hear a crack and you wince in pain. He closes the door and you start banging against it shouting profanities.

"YOU FUCKING ASSLICKER LET ME OUT!" you bang against the door several times before you look through the three slots in front of your face to see if he's even there.

"of course he left." you mutter. You start banging against the locker door repetitively.

"HEY IS ANYBODY OUT THERE?! HELP ME!" you shout for help over and over for 5 minutes, banging against the door but no one shows up.

"SOMEONE... PLEASE HELP ME IT'S...GETTING...REALLY HARD TO... BREATHE..." you hear the locker door franticly open and the last thing you see before you pass out is a a smear of red and someone yelling your name.

You wake up and you think you're in someones arms. You open your eyes. Your head is facing the side away from the person and they're running down the stairs to the basement. You assume they're taking you to the heath office. You turn you gaze upward and you gasp at what you see. Dave mother fucking strider. He has no shades on and his face is broken and bleeding. You try to speak but your voice comes out broken and squeaky. You wince at a pain in your back. Dave looks down and notices your pained expression.

"it's okay Karkat everything is going to be fine" Dave skids to a halt and kicks open an ajar door. He looks around the room and swears under his breathe.

"where is the fucking nurse when you need her?!" he places you down on one of the beds and helps you stay sitting up. He then franticly rushes around the room grabbing bandages and a damp cloth.

"okay since the nurse isn't here i'm going to have to wrap up you wounds so take off your shirt" your eyes widen and your face gets red.

"what?! No! I am not taking my shirt off!"

"fine bleed i don't care."

"what are you talking about? the only thing that's bleeding is my nose."

"dude i know you were thrown against a locker but i guess you didn't know that it was broken. A piece of metal cut open your back."

"how can you tell?"

"the amount of blood on the back of your shirt says alot." your eyes widen and you quickly take of you shirt to inspect it. There is a mass amount of blood that has accumulated on the grabs the damp cloth and cleans of your back as gently as he can then he opens up a new roll of gauze and looks at you expectingly.

"what?"

"lift up your arms" you do as you're told. He starts wrapping your torso with the gauze. you wince slightly every time the gauze touches the cuts. When he finishes wrapping you up he grabs the cloth again and cleans off your face. You let out a small whine of pain when he touches your nose.

"shit dude i think you nose is broken" he grabs a large bandage a places it gently over your nose. By this point your crying in pain. You mentally slap yourself for crying in front of Dave.

"okay dude i helped you now you help me" he says dampening another cloth.

"okay." you say taking the cloth. You start to wipe the blood off of his lip.

"how did this happen?"

"that fucking poor excuse for a jock punched me in the face when i stood up for you"

"you stood up for me? Why would you do that?"

"because he has no right to do that to you"

"why do you care?" you ask cleaning the last of the blood of his lip.

"because we're friends"

"since when?" you ask tossing the bloody cloth into the sink.

"since right now."

"what maks yo think i want to be friends with you?"

"because everybody wants to to friends with me" you know that's a lie. Strider gets picked on as much as you do. You sigh.

"fine we're friends. Don't fuck this up. Got it strider?"

"yes sir" he salutes you. You stifle a laugh and stand up wincing.

"lets go to class" you both walk out the door bracing your selves for the yelling and question that where sure to come.

This was the only memory of him that passed through your head as you climbed over the railing of the bridge.


	2. Savior

*sorry it's so short my work got deleted and i had to retype it all*

The time read 4:00. Only '13 minutes left' you thought. Karkat stood with his back to the bridge staring down at the rushing water below him. 'okay deep breathes. In, out, in,out. There will be no chickening out.' you took deep breathes and waited for 4:13 to come around. Your foot slipped several times and you panicked each time thinking that you would die before the set time. If your wondering what Karkat is feeling at this time it wasn't scared. He was feeling excited. Excited that his suffering would be over. Excited that he wont have to look at his scarred body anymore. Excited that all it took was a single leap. Excited that when those douches at school heard about his death they might actually feel bad for what they did to him. He checked his watch again. 4:05, 8 more minutes for him to live. He didn't check his watch for sometime. he was busy thinking about how every body would be happier without him when he heard an alarm going off. 'this is it' you thought. He was about to jump when he realized that it wasn't his watch going off, it was his cell phone. He grumbled and took it out of his jeans pocket. He locked to see who was texting him. Dave fucking strider. 'of course he would text me at a time like this' you thought unlocking your phone.

TG: hey

CG: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT STRIDER? I'M KINDA BUSY AT THE MOMENT.

TG: i know, i can see you

Your breathe hitched.

CG:W-WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN SEE ME?

TG: turn around, carefully

You slowly turned around, keeping your head facing the down at the water. When you were fully turned around you look up into the face of the self proclaimed cool kid himself.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE YOU ASSLICKER? YOU'RE GOING TO RUIN EVERYTHING!

"dont care" he grabs your arms and yanks you back over the railing. You land on the ground with a thud. You immediately spring back up and try to climb back over the railing but Dave latched on to your waist with a vice grip and pulls you back.

"NO DAVE FUCK YOU! LET ME GO! I WAS SO FUCKING CLOSE BUT THEN YOU HAVE TO COME AND RUIN EVERYTHING AND-" you continued yelling and thrashing about calling strider every name under the sun. He continued holding onto you until you calmed down. When he set you down he put his hands on your shoulder to hold yo into place like you were going to try to jump again.

"Dave you don't understand i have to do this!"

"no, You don't trust me i know"

"how?"

"i tried jumping off this bridge about a year ago but then i realized i had something to live for. Or rather someone"

"who?"

"you Karkat. Youre like my best friend. Thats why i cant let you do it and oh god Karkat please dont ever do this again" by this point Dave was crying. He had collapsed on his knees and his face was in his hands along with his shades. You knelt down and hugged him tightly. You had never seen Dave cry before so how to comfort him was beyond you.

"shh it's okay Dave just please stop crying" after a few minutes of shooshes and hugging Dave stopped crying. That is until your watch started to go off. Now you were both crying in each others arms. The only time you pulled away from the hug is when it started to pour.


	3. A Friend

god you hated the rain. it always ruined everything. you stood up and faced the sky. water droplets hit your face giving you a cold shower. you started yelling at it trying to release your frustration. dave stood up and tried to calm you down.  
"fuck you you fucking lousy god damn excuse for fucking water!"  
"karkat" he laid a hand on your shoulder.  
"no don't touch me!" you hit his arm away. "I fucking hate you you fucking piece of shit!" you continued ranting and raving at the rain until dave grabbed your shoulders and made you face him.  
"dude if you want to yell at water we can go back to my place and i can get you a glass of it."  
"who said anything about going back to your house?"  
"i did, just now. come on lets go" by this point you were both soaked and freezing and having an argument in the rain was not helping anybody. after a few moments of yelling you finally caved and yelled,  
"fine whatever!" dave smirked at his victory until he noticed you shivering. he took of his jacket and handed it to you.  
"here"  
"no i don't want it."  
"dude just take it" you grumbled. after a few more moments of yelling you caved again.  
"fine i'll take your stupid fucking excuse for a jacket!"  
"good boy" dave said wrapping the jacket around your shoulders. you growled at his words and zipped the jacket up and dave flipped up the hood.  
"now why don't we start heading back to my place so we don't catch a cold"  
"fine. which way is your house?"  
"it's right there" dave pointed to a tall apartment building a few blocks away.  
"lets go" dave started walking and when he got to the edge of the bridge he stopped.  
"dude you coming?"  
"yeah i was just-"  
"yeah?" he said crossing his arms.  
"i was just wondering if i could hold your hand. i just need to know that i'm not alone right now" you said kicking a rock over the edge of the bridge. dave smiled a soft genuine smile and held out his hand.  
"sure man of course you can hold my hand" you smiled slightly and walked over to him. you took his hand and you both started walking to his apartment not wanting this moment to end.

when you got to his apartment building you were both soaked and freezing to death.  
"man i hate when it rains in september" dave said opening the door. you shuddered as the warm air hit your face making the hair stand up on you arms and neck. dave lead you to the stairs and you both ran up them to his room.

he unlocked the door and opened it. the smell of lavender and vanilla hit your nose.  
"wait right here" he says seating you down on the couch.  
"i'll be right back" he exits the room into what you assume is his bedroom and comes back a few moments later wearing red plaid pajama pants and a gear shirt that you often see him wear.  
"here' he hands you a record shirt and white pajama pants with the same symbol on it. he points you in the direction of the bathroom. he says that you can take a shower and stay the night if you want you mutter a thanks and shut the bathroom door. you thought for a moment debating wether you wanted to take a shower. you were going to decide against it but the cold feeling in your bones persuaded you to take one. you let out a defeated sigh and turned on the water. you striped down while waiting for the water to get to your desired temperature. you let the water wash your stress and worries away, rolling your shoulders as your joints relaxed and loosened. it occurred to you that you would have to use daves toiletries. you sighed as you reached for a bottle of shampoo and squirted a respective amount onto your hand. wait is that- vanilla? did that fucker really have vanilla shampoo?. he could not deny that he immediately related that smell to dave. you shrugged and rubbed the sweet smelling substance into your hair, being careful of your horns.

You stepped out of the shower and patted yourself dry. you grabbed the clothes and started to get dressed. as you did so you noticed that the clothes also smelled like vanilla. you inhaled the sweet sent one last time before stepping out of the bathroom and into the brightness of the living room. Dave was in the kitchen, head stuck in the fridge, rummaging around. you clear your throat and he turns around, apple juice in hand. he smiles slightly.  
"your clothes are too big on me." you say holding out your arms.  
"hey don't blame my clothes, maybe they have self esteem issues. besides they aren't too big, you're just too tiny."  
"i'm not that tiny" you mutter. dave just laughs.  
"dude are you kidding me? you're hella small. you're like a fun size kit kat bar. hey that's not a bad nickname."  
"oh no you're not going to start naming me after your shitty human candy bars."  
"too late. it's been set in stone. you will forever be known as kit kat"  
"whatever" you grumble. dave smiles at his triumph and celebrates by finishing his juice and grabbing another.  
"so," he says taking a sip. "have a seat. i need to talk to you"ne says gesturing towards the sofa. you reluctantly sit down in the small love seat. dave sits down next to you. he takes another sip of juice before setting it down on the small side table.  
"so tell me why i found you on the side of a bridge on my way to the store"  
"who the fuck goes to the store at 4 am?"  
"don't dodge my question." you sigh.  
"fine, i got sick of having a crummy life and i wanted to end the pain and suffering that's been plaguing me for years." you look down at you lap and wait for dave to reply.  
"karkat i want you to promise me something"  
"what?" you say slowly looking up from your lap.  
"if you ever have a problem you come to me. don't turn to razor blades because they are not your freinds i am" at his words you start to sob. dave scooches over and wraps you in an embrace.  
"shhh it's okay man. you're safe here with me"  
"i-i didn't want to be safe! i w-wanted to be dead!" you sob into his shoulder." dave tightens his grip around you protectively.  
"don't you ever fucking say that again"  
"i'm sorry, i'm sorry!" you continue to sob, soaking daves shirt with red tears. dave rubs your back comfortingly and whispers soothing words into your ear.

when you stop crying you wipe your face on your sleeve. you try to get out of the hug but dave tightens his grip around you.  
"dave let go" dave buries his face into your shoulder.  
"no"  
'dave get off" you try to push him away but he just tightens his grip more. you sigh.  
"dave why won't you let go?"  
"if i let go you'll leave me" you smile a soft smile.  
"dave i'm not going to leave you just please let go." dave reluctantly lets go and grabs his apple juice. he chugs it and tosses it into the sink gets up and grabs another juice..  
"do you alway drown your sorrows in apple juice?"  
"it's a good method, you should try it."  
"i'll pass" he shrugs.  
"whatever" he says taking a sip of the juice. you yawns and lay down on the couch, closing your eyes.  
"you tired man?"  
"yes. i've had a long day"  
"you and me both. come on lets go to bed. i'll even take the couch"  
"okay" you say yawing again. "i don't feel like walking" dave smiles, sets down his drink and walks over to the couch. he crouches down in front of your face.  
"would you like me to carry you?"  
"could you?" you say opening your eyes.  
"of course man." he picks you up bridal style and carries you to his room. he places you under the covers and tucks you in. the last thing you feel before falling asleep is dave kissing your forehead saying "sweet dreams".


End file.
